There are starts and stops

The rain of last night let up and yielded wet snow this morning. Drive this morning wasn’t too hot

because of it. I’m here again though. Staring at this screen trying to write something before my boss gets here and tells me what to do. Looking around I notice scraps of paper that need to be thrown away, scraps of notes from small tasks I’ve had to work on each only taking a few days, at the most. Nothing long term here, although I’m told by managers that there will be positions opening up in the future, but nothing seems to compare to the position in Dallas. I know I talk about this a lot. I rationalize my departure and map out how I would like things to end up even though I know full well it’ll be a lot harder than mental mapping can allow. That’s ok though. I think. There is a list of reasons, not including the buzzing center light over my computer, for why this would work. For others, it will shut me up.

I’m not sure when it all started, probably a few years back. I would talk about how I really wasn’t

happen where I was at the school, spiritually, in relationships with others. That rot gut feeling that there, not might be but, is something better in store. Anticipation is a terrible thing sometimes. So can the imagination be if one doesn’t focus on the current more than the could be. It never stopped causing problems; I never stop causing problems. Wondering would lead to falling further behind, and then I would just be dragging myself across the floor after a short time. That probably fits under an odd category. A cop out, perhaps. But I’m tired of thinking about what could be and having that take over. I’m ready to pave my own, and see what happens. I just hope I can make it that far with out crumbling to be swept up in what was or again with what could be.

That’s confusing.