Will Frank the Tank Die?

(minus all the alcohol)

I’m looking around this office and I’m confused. For the past five years I’ve been in college.

A closed off school with very little to do but “party” and...party. My sole motivation for getting my work done was to get out of college, graduate and take that next step into the blinding “real world”. Well, I’m there. I’m out of college, I’ve graduated, and I’ve begun that next step, a job. I have a really nice job now with infinite “opportunities for growth” and an increasing paycheck. With an office, a desk and my own stapler and telephone line. But I think I’ve tripped. At the very least I’m just not sure what I’ve done or what I will do. I’m just not used to it. While I may not own them, these are my walls and I could, if I saw fit, put a poster of a giant dragon on it. Can I? Should I?

It all just doesn’t feel natural yet. I feel that tug every once in a while to sleep in and “skip class

just this once”. That’s what I used to do. The alarm would go off and I could get up, take my shower, eat light and move across the lawn to a third floor classroom, or I could turn it off. The world’s beeping would stop and my sleeping would continue, but is that right? Is that responsible? Back then, it might have been. There were nights were I would stay up studying or...hanging out and it may effect me negatively if I were to go to that nine a.m. class – not at all responsible. Now, I can’t miss class. There is no choice. The choice I have right now is what to eat for lunch or if I want water or hot tea. Later today it’ll be, which way should I go home and which is better satellite or cable.

I suppose it’s pointless for me to be writing about this, wasting the time I should be spending

looking for candidates for clients to make more money and progress further than were I am. I suppose it just hit me. It's an issue of permanence. I could imagine these jitters are something close to those one might get when getting ready to pop the question or say the “I do” bit. This decision will change my life, what do I chose?

Responsibility? I guess so. Sheep? Maybe. Frightened?