Shelter your eyes children, or you’ll go gay

I wonder what we’ll denounce now

Currently, there is a movement in Congress and the House to suggest that SpongeBob

Squarepants promotes homosexual lifestyles, and these bodies’ belief is starting to affect communities. As expressed in the article linked above, the school district has yanked a video from classrooms because SpongeBob is in the thing. I should also note that the name of the video is “We Are Family,” and promotes unity and equality. Go watch the video and tell me that anyone is promoting homosexuality. They’re not teaching our kids to be gay, they’re trying to teach our kids that they should accept people for who they are, and that the world is one large family. But that’s a bit too gay (gay as the form suggesting euphoria) for the school district.

The idea that a cartoon sponge who “lives in a pineapple under the sea is in any way, shape or

form homosexual is insane. Not only do people need to realize that this is a cartoon show that makes little to no sense half the time, but they also need to accept that there isn’t a plot to convert our children into mindless, gay zombies. There is also no plot to create alien-human hybrids like in the X-Files or a Flyman like in the movie The Fly. Quite honestly, I’ve seen the show, and I like it. It’s based on an absurdst look at the cartoon genre that is based on the absurd. The only difference to this and the cartoons these dinosaurs used to watch is that this show is a lot less linear than the shows from ‘their time.’ I would also like to point out that SpongeBob isn’t the only character to make an appearance in the video, and plays a brief role.

Another complaint I’ve heard is that because these cartoon characters aren’t married, hang out

with other male characters and (the Squidward) embody the stereotypical belief that all gay males are neat freaks. I get it! I must be gay too then! Along with all males in college who live with other males! After all, I live with a male, my friend Payam, am not married and am a neat freak. That must be it. I’m gay, and SpongeBob did it to me. Thank you SpongeBob for making a queen out of me.