Dear, God, I need to find something to do

Short and bitter, sadly

As I sit around and do nothing a vast majority of time and focus on mundane points and bank

statements I find myself bored. There really isn't much that excites me anymore. Actually, I can count those things on one hand (one of which is work for some weird reason), and that's just sad. Most things used to excite me. Now, going to a show seems like a chore. A painful ordeal where I'm dragged to the venue to smugly look at the kids in the audience and envy their demeanor. I used to stare up at the stage with glazed-over wonder (not stoned, stupid) and think about what it would be like to be that band, on that stage, in front of those people. I think that still excites me, the idea of playing a show, but the show itself is not exciting. I've been too involved in the inter-workings of putting the show together. The failures of trying to find a venue, bands, security; hoping that things will go well and they don't. But that's the reality of things. It may be that I've developed a realistic view of things. The rose-colored glasses are being pulled off and all that's left is the world for what it is, and here I am squinting to see through them. By now they're almost gone, and I'm almost jaded.