Rambling, Incoherence

I worry about people. I worry that people who I care about will crumble when/if I leave them. It’s arrogant, silly and wrong, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling this way.

What happens when/if I take the opportunity to move back to Chicago? To live near friends and family, see people regularly, start a career, dance and sing and play the drums more often than I have. Is that a good enough reason to pack up and move back, or do I stand and keep trying to show people that they can change themselves, that there’s nothing to worry about, God loves them and that they’re better than they give themselves credit for?

People have told me that I have to think about myself more often, especially with my health the way it is. That people will figure themselves out, that God will show them the way (which I agree with completely) and that something in their life will show them how great they are; which will stop them from their self-destructive behavior. That all the things I miss and want to participate in will wait for me. While I don’t entirely disagree that waiting is necessary, I’ve been doing that for nearly a year, and it’s about time to get back to dealing with what I left sitting back in Chicago. …I guess I just pray more, and know that God’s plan will work out one way or another.