Tricky to know when to move

I've realized just how much I have no control over. My health, my job, my

surroundings. It's all started to pile and shift its weight. No longer am I able to tell people, truthfully, that I'm comfortable and happy. I won't be able to tell people that I'm far happier when others are happy, and when my surroundings are visceral and understood. It's a ghost day. The time when I receive phone calls from friends using exclamation for the day with punctuation when it’s unnecessary. I'll find myself moving through people and having them not notice that I'm here there after and until then.

It sounds overly dramatic, and it is. I'm just not sure in what other ways I

can describe it. There are times when I want to be left alone; sit in a overstuff chair and look out the window. When I realize that I've overextended myself and need to recharge. That time won't be this weekend. Parties, baseball games, and questionable relationships will sprout up and spread in endless paper fans. They'll wave and comfort for a moment, but tear and collapse to fall to the ground. That's how it ends, after all. You're never as much a celebrity as you are on your birthday, even if you never wanted to be noticed at all.