My (lack of a) career doesn’t necessarily reflect the person I am, or who I’m continuing to grow to be

I've started looking at other possible opportunities in the job market.

Searching various non-profit job boards I'm looking at the qualifications and requirements for positions, and I'm terrified. Over the last year I've had to deal with a massive road block in my goals for finding a career for myself. I've remained here though, thinking that things could only get better; to no avail. And I'm looking at these boards and wondering how similar these positions will be to what I have right now. Scenarios of interviewing and being asked if I would be interested in temping for a short time and transitioning to a staff position to build experience, and it never happening. The more I look at what my options are, the more truly scared I get. My eyes get full and tip over a bit to be brushed away so that no one will see me as they trot by with their own career's on their sleeve. I can't handle it. Virginia, Maryland, D.C., La Jolla, California...Where will I be next year, and will I hate myself as much as I do right now for making the decisions to move?

Telling people where I would like to be, the obvious place of family and friends

and roll-through red lights, only serves to placate the massing twangs in my neck, break-outs under my chin and behind my ears and give me a shred of hope that things can be remedied; even though they probably won't; not now anyway. Someone told me I was full of negativity yesterday, and I disagreed with them on the spot. Now that I took the time to measure where I am, wrestle through the job options and balance my need for Faith, family and positivity in my life at all times I'm left with a big opening that the negativity big rig drives through. The question is: How long will I continue to read these jobs and get back to the mindless dirge that echoes off the walls in the office, that few can hear, and how many times will I travel away from one place or another to get to stability and that red chair I hope for?