Science News!

1. "Lawmakers parking their gas-guzzling SUVs," but they won't stop randomly dousing hobos in gasoline and lighting them on fire.

2. In death, the alligator screamed out "I WIN, DAMMIT!"

3. New meaning to the term "work those crazy legs!"

4. Xena, Warrior Princess/10th Planet in our Solar System.

5. Tai Shan bursts into tears when it is revealed that its name means, Peaceful Mountain. When asked why the panda was crying, Tai Shan responded, "Someone just get me an Atkins Cookbook. I'm so fat!

6. When William Shatner received word that Doohan's cremeted remains will be launched into space he quickly called his lawyer to change a passage in his will to read "I want my body placed into a photon torpedo, and launched directly at Khan's Klingon Warbird". KHAN!!

7. President Bush immediately declared war on the flagellate, stating that as long as he "is in office, none of these 'flag-ellites' will get married on American soil. It ain't right, it just ain't right."

8. Upon landing, the world's first 'space tourist' emerged from his pod and asked some local villagers where he could find the hunter who shot his 'very hairy wife'.